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We are loved unconditionally by our pets. Often, our pets
provide the most intense love we will ever receive from another being.
When our pets die, we may experience grief in the same way as we would if a
human family member died.
Unfortunately, society is only beginning to understand the significance of
losing a pet and offering information and resources to mourning pet owners.
You may not have your loss acknowledged by loved ones in the same way your
loss would be acknowledged if it were a human family member who died.
You may even hear someone say "It was only a dog/cat!" This makes the
grieving process even more difficult.
There are four stages in the "normal" grieving process. Of course,
each person and each animal have a special bond and the grieving process is
very unique to each relationship.
 NumbnessYou may feel dazed, emotionless
and empty. You may show symptoms of denial-"Rex can't be dead, it must be a
mistake." or "This can't be happening."
YearningAfter the shock lessens, you may experience intense
longing for your pet, pangs of guilt and anger. You may experience
illusions in which you "see" your lost pet, have vivid dreams or "feel"
their presence you may also feel guilt, "If only I had taken him to the vet"
or "I should have been more attentive ."
Anger toward the pet may also surface "If only he wouldn't have run out into
the street" or "It isn't fair that I'm left alone without Tabby."
Sleep and appetite problems, uncontrolled crying and restlessness are all
common reactions during this stage of grief.
 Disorganization and DespairYou may feel listless and apathetic. Life seems to
have lost its meaning. Loneliness is the most common complaint during
this time.
ResolutionGradually, you will begin to accept the loss of your
pet intellectually and emotionally. You will again be able to live
life fully. You may decide to welcome another animal into your home
and heart and you may decide to not be a pet owner again. Either
decision is appropriate. Many people may offer advice about when (or
if) to get another pet, let yourself make this decision when you are ready.
 Anniversary ReactionsYou may experience "anniversary reactions. " The
anniversary of the death of your pet, the first birthday and the first
holidays without your pet may bring back the sadness.
EuthanasiaOnly lately in our society are family members being
placed in a position to make decisions regarding the quality of life and
amount of medical services their human loved ones will receive from doctors.
However, pet owners have had to face this extremely difficult decision for
years. If you had to euthanize your pet due to serious injury or
disability, you may find your feelings of guilt are compounded.
 Talk to your veterinarian about this decision seriously. It will be natural
to second guess this decision when you are in the yearning phase. Some
peace of mind knowing that you did the right thing for the quality of your
pet's life may be very helpful to you at this time.
Children's GriefChildren also grieve after losing a pet. Often, a pet's death is a child's
first experience with the issue of death. Be truthful with them.
Let them know if your pet is ill and dying. When your pet dies, tell your
child that. Don't tell them "kitty ran away", because the child may fixate
on finding their cat or believe that they did something wrong to make their
cat unhappy to run away. Children under the age of six often will not
comprehend that death is final, but being truthful is still necessary.
Avoid euphemisms such as "put to sleep" when discussing euthanasia with
young children. This may cause great fear and confusion at bedtime.
Children will grieve differently depending on their age at the time of the
pet's death. Regressive behavior, clingy behavior and physical
complaints may be common in children 3-5. Denial of their sadness and,
conversely, excessive guilt may be seen in children 6-11. Adolescent
grief will be similar to adult grief. Allow your child to say
"good-bye" to your family's pet in their own special way. Invite your child
to participate in an appropriate burial for your pet, if
 possible, or to
organize a memorial service for your pet. Encourage your child to talk
about the death with you, other family members and friends who have pets,
and allow them to ask whatever questions they have. It's ok if
you don't know all the answers. This is also a great opportunity to
talk to your child about your spiritual beliefs. Please Keep in Mind:
Take care of yourself. Avoid unnecessary stress. Try to get enough
sleep, eat appropriately and give yourself permission to enjoy the small
things in your life. Your pet would want you to "stop and smell the roses. "
Set up a daily activity schedule. Force yourself to fill your time
with useful activities to help prevent apathy and lethargy.
Seek professional help if necessary. There is no "right" way to grieve and
no set period of time to grieve. If you are feeling overwhelmed with
grief and sadness and do not feel you are coping well, a professional
counselor can help you work through this.
Available Books on Grief: Dog Gone by Howard Bronson
For Every Cat, An Angel by Christine Davis
For Every Dog, An Angel by Christine Davis
The Loss of a Pet: New, Revised and Expanded
Edition by Wallace Sife
 Pet Loss by Herbert Nieburg
Pet Loss: A Spiritual Guide by Eleanor Harris
When a Pet Dies by "Mr." Fred Rogers
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